


Don't you understand what you've done?

by SnowflakeBooks



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Arrow - Freeform, Batwoman - Freeform, Best Friends, Character Development, Crying in the Shower, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fiction, Flash - Freeform, Green Arrow and the Canaries - Freeform, Illness, Killiam, Legends of Tomorrow - Freeform, Love, Lucifer - Freeform, National City (DCU), Post Season 5, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, SuperCorp, SuperCorp Sunday, Supercorp endgame, affair, arrowverse, mental health, supercorp will rise, supergirl - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28858329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowflakeBooks/pseuds/SnowflakeBooks
Summary: After Lena found out about Kara's secret, they were never the same again.Lena couldn't handle Kara's betrayal and moved to StarCity. She found a new job and even met a special someone that makes her life so much better.Kara lives still in the past and can't move on, but she's trying her best.She is dating William Dey for quite some time now and makes the best out of it. Even tho she misses her former bestie.As if Kara's issues weren't enough, a new threat arrived, and it is more dangerous than anything Kara had faced before.Will Kara be able to save the world or will she drown in her own sorrow?
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers & William Dey, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Nia Nal, Kara Danvers/William Dey
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	1. "Wake up!"

It was a rainy Monday morning. The streets of national city were overflowing with water, and Kara could barely hold her umbrella. 

Typically me, Kara thought.  
It is my first time going out with Lena since we saved the world from Lex's evil crimes.  
I'm so nervous. What if she had reconsidered and doesn't show up?

Since the day Lena found out that Kara is Supergirl, it had not been the same between the former besties. Lena was very distant towards Kara, and they only talked when there was an issue that included Lex or the Luthor family in general. 

It had been eight months. Kara dreamed about this day for quite some time now.  
Just Lena in her grey university sweater and a messy bun sitting in that little bakery only five minutes from L-Corp, laughing about her bad jokes and eating habits.

Unfortunately, reality was the complete opposite. Lena sat in one of the lounge seats in a tight black dress combined with Bordeaux red Louis Button's. 

Last year they would come here every Wednesday to check up on each other's struggles and achievements. No matter how many things they had to do, they always had time for each other. 

Her hair fell perfectly as always, and her Make-Up said:  
I'm confident, but I still want to be seen as shy.

She seemed to be distracted, but Kara couldn't figure out what it was.

"Hey, you…" Kara said in a quiet tone. 

Lena looked up from her menu and greeted the blonde Kryptonian with a shy smile.  
Still being distracted by something in the background, Lena seemed like she tried to hold eye-contact with her, but Kara couldn't tell what that glimpse in Lena's eyes was about, and that drove her crazy. 

Would it be very obvious to turn around for a quick second? Kara asked herself.

After a few minutes of staring at each other quietly, Kara thought she could give it a try and loose up the situation. 

"Lena, I'm so sorry," she said.  
“I should've never betrayed you in the first place, and even though I tried to protect you, it is and always had been your right to know what I'm up to or who I am. I promise to be honest with you in the future. It won't happen again.”

The young Luthor listened to every word Kara had to say. Quietly she followed her lips and nodded when she felt like it was necessary to respond without interrupting her.

A tear was rolling down her cheek as Lena tried to find the right words that would describe her gratitude, but also her hurt and hatred towards Kara. 

Was it the right way to open such a meaningful conversation? Probably not, Kara thought.

"Lee, I felt so bad for not telling you. I thought I would lose you, and that was the last thing that I would've wanted."

Lena's expression changed within a second. She formed her lips into a thin line and played nervously with the napkin in front of her.

"You mean the world to me, and to lose you would mean that I'd also lose a part of myself," Kara explained. 

Lena had tightened up her jaw and unconsciously began to squeeze the napkin she formerly played with in her fist. 

Kara could tell that her mood changed, but she decided to continue.

"I…I just couldn't risk it. It was too dangerous." Kara stumbled over her own words and slowly began to break down in front of the person she cares so deeply about and wants to keep as a friend.

All of a sudden, it seemed like Lena would calm down and continue the conversation professionally as planned, but she couldn't take Kara's honesty anymore. The words just began to spread out of Lena like a waterfall that couldn't stop.

"You're such a fucking liar! You betrayed me and ripped my heart out! You never cared for me, did you?! You're no better than my family. I would've died for you!" Lena said through gritted teeth.

She stood up and became louder and louder.  
Kara decided to hug her, but instead of falling into her arms, Lena tried to escape her loving arms by pushing her against the lounge seat.

The other guests began to follow their nerve-wracking conversation, as Lena accidentally pushed a cup from the table, which shattered into a thousand pieces.

It was too much. 

Lena began to break down and it seemed like she started to experience every feeling on this planet. 

She couldn't help it anymore.

"Why didn't you tell me you were Supergirl?"  
Lena asked the Kryptonian with her voice shaking.  
"Am I just another villain to you?” she desperately screamed while another tear began to roll down her cheek. 

Lena stepped forward and pushed Kara again, but this time it was different.  
Kara began to stumble and fell over her chair, with her head right on the cold marble tiles.  
Everything became blurry, and Kara thought she had to throw up, but then reality hit her out of nowhere.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

A nerve-wracking sound began to blast through Kara's brain. What is that?, she asked herself. Am I dying?

A cold breeze found its way up her leg as she slowly began to open her eyes.  
Still having a blurry view and a huge headache, Kara realizes that her window had been open the whole night. 

Gladly, she can't get sick because of her Kryptonian genes. Kara thought. 

But still. The cold breeze that had been creeping through her window wasn't pleasant at all. 

Still lying in bed, Kara tries to go through the events of the previous evening.

"What happened last night?"

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I think we should invite William for another game night! Last time with him turned out to be very funny, and he likes you, Kara."

"I'm not sure, Alex. I know that he's a nice guy and everything, but we've only been dating for three months now. I don't know if that's the right thing to do. 

The last time we had a game night where he had been a part of was when we were still friends.  
No one was in a relationship except for you and Kelly. It's different now."

Alex nodded. 

"I understand that the last couple of months had been hard for you, but you have to move on.  
She's not a part of your life anymore, and as we know so far, she moved to star city.  
It's hard, I know. But you have to live your life, or otherwise, there is no chance to find happiness."

Kara's voice began to crack, and big tears were rolling down her cheek. 

"I miss her, Alex. I know that she left and that it is probably the best solution, but I still don't understand why she refuses to read my emails or answer my calls...  
It just can't be over."

Alex just listened. Sometimes she nodded, and sometimes she just stood quiet.

The two of them were sipping their wine like it was water, which would explain why Kara's head feels like she got hit by a truck. 

The sisters shared everything. Kara being Supergirl only brought them closer together, and their bond grew stronger. 

It wasn't even a question whether Alex would be on Kara's side or leave her alone with all the drama that had been going on in the last couple of months since Lena chose to leave national city and built up a new life in star city. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Enough daydreaming," Kara mumbled to herself as she finally got the audacity to throw her sheets on the other side of the bed and get up. 

It took her nearly five minutes to leave the edge of her bed, but: one step at the time, she thought. 

Still shaky on her legs, she finally encouraged herself to close the window and take a shower. 

As Kara entered the bathroom, she stopped right in front of the mirror. The bright light burned in her eyes and made her feel even more nauseous.

Damn…, Kara thought as she moved with her fingertips through her messy hair.  
I look like I got beaten up last night.

Blurry eyes gazed into the mirror.  
Mascara left traces under her eye circles, and on her baby blue pajama stuck a dark red wine stain. 

I should've stopped drinking after the first glass of wine, but instead, Alex convinced me to drink the whole bottle with her and go to bed at three in the morning.

Kara yawns.

Since Lena avoided her, Kara began to drink wine more often. Not because she had become an alcoholic, but sometimes it was the only way to stop thinking about her problems with Lena, and Alex's support wasn't enough to numb the voice in her head that whispers: 

“Kara Danvers, you are guilty!”

But she would never tell her that.

"Very grown-up, Kara," she mumbled to her reflection in the mirror while taking off her pajamas. 

Kara moaned through her gritted teeth as she accidentally touched one of the battle bruises that Lillian left on her shoulder. 

The two of them got into a massive fight after Kara and Lena took Lex down. 

No matter what Lex did or would've done in the future, Lillian would be on his side no matter what.  
She would do anything for her little boy.  
Since he's behind bars again, Lillian made it her goal to take down Supergirl, and one or two times a month, she tries to kill Kara again. At this point, without success. 

In slow motion, she moved over to the shower and turned on the water.  
It was cold, and Kara could feel the goosebumps rising on her skin as she slowly entered the shower.

Still trying to avoid what happened, she puts Shampoo in her hair and starts to massage it in.  
Did she cause Lena so much pain?  
Or was it just an imagination that her mind constructed for her?  
Does she even miss her?

She closed her eyes to reimage everything that has happened in her nightmare, but out of a sudden, a hand reached out for her.  
Ready to punch someone in the face, Kara turned around. 

"Babe! It's just me!". 

Of course... Kara thought.  
After Lex was behind bars again, Kara decided to let William move in with her. 

Ordinary people would probably say that it's too early, but Kara thought it was just the perfect time for them to grow stronger as a couple.

They had been on several dates by then, and she felt safe when she was around him.  
So what was wrong with him moving in with her? 

William asked with a glimpse in his eyes for Kara's permission to join her. Kara nodded.  
Gently he took her hand and stepped into the shower. 

There it was again.., Kara thought. 

That perfect British smile and the beautiful green eyes that, in her opinion, were much more than she deserved.

To cut the silence, Kara apologized for her behavior.  
"I'm sorry, you know. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I still have to get used to the fact that we share the same apartment now."

William opened his arms to welcome Kara in a warm embrace.

“Babe… it's okay. Both of us have to get used to the situation at first. Everything is still new.  
For me as well," he added after a short pause. 

"Where were you this morning?" Kara asked. 

It was vital for her to change the topic as fast as possible because every time they talked about them moving in together, there was a huge possibility that he asks her about Lena, and she wasn't ready to talk about what happened between them and how she feels about her.

I need more time, Kara thought. 

"I got you donuts and told Andrea that you couldn't go to work today because you got sick," he responded.  
When I came home last night, Alex had already put you to bed and said that you needed rest.  
I assumed that you probably drank quite a lot and that you would rather stay at home.

"I hope that was okay."

It took Kara a second to snap back to reality.

"So, what are we going to do today?" she asked with a soft tone in her voice. 

Still being carried away, she forgot to answer his actual question and just decided to add another. 

"I hoped we could spend our day in bed and just cuddle up… and later, I can get us something from Big Belly Burger", William said in a persuasive tone. 

He was so kind and loving to her.  
Why couldn't she just think about him? Just him.  
Why couldn't she stop thinking of Lena? 

Her time with William had always been full of love, and his warm embrace made her feel like the most important person on earth.  
He wasn't Lena, that's for sure, but he was the first person since Mon-El that deserved her love and attention.  
Deep down, Kara knew that Alex liked Mon-El more than she would ever like William, but she accepted Kara's choice and supported her, and that was enough for now. 

Enough is enough, Kara thought.  
It was time for her to be with William and stop thinking about Lena or Mon-El. He deserved better than that, and it was time for her to make him feel special. 

Kara pushed William tenderly against the shower wall. William decided to cup Kara's face with his hands and waited for her approval to kiss her lips.

As Kara nodded, he smoothly moved in her direction and placed his lips gently on hers.  
A warm shower came upon Kara as his soft lips that felt like pillows or clouds reached hers.

Slowly Kara opened her lips just wide enough for William to let his tongue reach hers.  
A wave of lust and desire spread through her body as he began to move his fingertips down her spine.  
With tiny circles, he moved his fingers over her body.

Kara's skin began to pulsate, and her breathing became heavy.

Her hands began to explore his body. She used her fingertips to stroke down his chest.  
He kissed the bruises on her shoulder softly. 

William's muscles started to tense as Kara decided to put her lips on his chest and work her way down to his belly button.  
Without another thought about last night or Lena, Kara gave herself entirely to William and decided to only think about him. 

After the two of them spent way too much time in the shower, William decided to make the first move.  
He gave Kara a tender kiss before leaving the shower and told her that he'd get breakfast ready for the two of them. 

"Take your time," he said.  
Kara nodded and tried to put a tiny smile on her face to convince him that she's okay.

Kara waited for William to leave.

He decided to put on a towel instead of his shorts and left the bathroom with a big smile on his face.  
Finally, the doorknob clicked, and he was gone.

Kara let the air out of her lungs. "Damn.." she thought. He loves me, and he's fluffin'hot! 

Kara giggled as she caught herself gushing over William and his perfect body.  
Still not ready to let go of her thoughts, she put the shower on again and closed her eyes.

The whole conversation that she had with Lena in her nightmare rose back to the surface, and all of her romantic thoughts dropped immediately.  
She felt like she could touch the table that she had in front of her.  
Like she could hug Lena all over again, and instead of making it worse, they would hug it out and be stronger together again.  
But she knew what reality felt like. She knew what reality looked like. Her life became so different in the last five years.  
She became Supergirl, worked together with the strongest and most loyal team she could've ever wished for and found the best friend on this planet.  
Lena Luthor. 

Kara always thought of Lena as the person that it would be worth to be just Kara Danvers for and not  
Kara Zor-El or Supergirl. 

Lena always put her back on her feet when nothing made sense anymore, and most importantly, they shared the best memories.  
Kara couldn't believe that Lena had a new life.  
One second she was there, and the next she was gone.  
She is living her life in a new city with a new man and a new job. 

After Lena left Catco and decided to end her career as a scientist, there was nothing left for her here in national city. She decided to help the more impoverished families in star city and give them a new perspective.

The more she thought about it, the sadder she became, and everything was right in front of her again.

It turns out shoving your feelings inboxes isn't the best idea.

Kara began to cry. Slowly she sank on her knees and hid her face in her hands. Her crying became louder and more painful after each thought she connected to Lena.

Hopefully, William wouldn't hear her sobbing, she thought.

Kara was at her lowest point right now. Tears were pouring down her face as she thought of Lena standing there. In the fortress of solitude. Betrayed, scared, and lonely.  
Hurt by the person, she trusts the most in her life.  
The person she would risk her life for. Kara.

It felt like someone would've punched her in her throat and kept her from breathing fresh air. Her lungs were aching, and the pain that surrounded her heart was unimaginable. Every bone felt like someone was chasing needles through it. 

"Am I such a terrible person?" Kara thought.  
She couldn't even explain why she just had shower sex with William. She was sad. Not horny.  
Ashamed of what she just did, she began to breathe heavily. 

Her soul was full of pure hurt, and she wished that someone would be there to help her out of her misery, but there was no one. 

Inhale. Exhale. She whispered to herself.

Desperately trying to get her breathing under control, she's waiting for someone to help her.  
Someone she could trust or someone who knew what was going on with her, but no one was there. 

A knock on the bathroom door finally brought her back to reality.

"Kara honey are you okay?" the voice behind the door said.

It was William. Kara didn't know what to do or to say, so she just sat there quietly. She couldn't move. It felt like something was holding her back from telling him that she's okay.

Slowly William opened the door to check up on her.  
As he saw that she was crying, he took a big white towel from the towel rack and put her into his arms.  
She was sobbing, and her body was shaking very badly. 

Gently William wiped away her tears and helped her put on her favorite pink pajamas.  
He even dried her hair and put them into a messy bun. 

As he finally got her dressed, he carried her into the living room and laid her onto the couch.  
He also made her a hot water bottle and served her a cup of peppermint tea to calm her down. 

William sat down next to Kara and waited till she calmed down. Carefully he moved his fingertips through her caramel blonde hair. 

It seemed like he wanted to ask Kara something specific, but he suddenly stood up and walked towards the front door.

Kara's head was pounding. The shower was supposed to make her feel better, but instead, she broke down in front of William. 

"Where are you going?" Kara asked after William got up again and moved towards the front door.

It seemed like he felt caught by what she just said but answered after a short pause.

"I..I.. thought it would be better to leave you alone.  
You should get some rest, and I'll help Nia write her article for the new Catco magazine. 

Weird, Kara thought.  
Was it because of her break down? Was it too much for him to handle? 

"Get some rest. I'll be back soon.", he promised. 

Still recovering from what happened some minutes ago, Kara decided to get dressed and take a walk.

"Why am I so fluffing dumb sometimes" she mumbles as she walks down the main street of national city. 

The wind was so cold that it made its way through Kara's jacket.  
Her hair was still a little wet, which made it even worse.

Kara walked through the park, bought a hot chocolate at one of those Christmas booths, and finally decided to sit down on one of the park benches surrounding the water fountain.

It was good to get some fresh air even though her hair froze up and got covered with shimmery ice.  
It looked kind of cool, Kara thought.

At first, she wasn't happy with William's action to tell Andrea she was sick.  
Although she would never tell him, having the day off wasn't such a bad idea after all. 

Kara wondered whether William was upset or not because he left so unexpected. 

She decided to call Alex, hoping that she's already up and not still hungover from last night. 

You reached the mailbox of Alex Danvers. Call me again or leave a message. See ya! 

"God, Alex…" Kara sighed. I need you for once, and I can't reach you. 

It took Kara only five seconds till she got her butt up from that bench to visit Alex in person. 

Did it get even more uncomfortable, or was she already having hallucinations now?

The snow began to fall, and the wind got more worrying every minute. It wasn't typical for national city to reach freezing temperatures, and Kara kind of hated days like this. 

When Kara finally turned into Alex's street, something happened. It felt like her veins were freezing up, while the air was burning in her lungs.

Kara abruptly sank to her knees. 

A sharp pain ran through her head, and she thought she was going to die. Concentrating, she tried to suppress the pain through clenched teeth, but she wasn't strong enough.

Everything went black.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"She's okay… everything is alright," Alex said.  
After Kara passed out on the street, someone brought her to the hospital and called Alex. The doctors assume that Kara had a severe panic attack, but there would be no further explanations at this point that could tell where the attack came from or what triggered it. 

Alex called William after she heard what happened, and he rushed over to the hospital as fast as he could. 

Alex thought he looked exhausted.

His eyes looked tired and powerless.  
William's shoulders sagged, and he could barely hold his head.

Maybe he had something to do with Kara's condition, Alex thought.

Without further considerations, she confronted him with her suspicions.

"William, was there something different as usual this morning with Kara?" she said with a soft tone in her voice.

Alex tried to sound as calm as possible while talking to him, because somehow she still believed that he's  
a good person.

William began to stumble over his own words.  
Probably shocked by what his girlfriend's big sister just asked him. 

"Are you accusing me of.. of…hurting my girlfriend right now?! Are you fucking kidding me, Alex!" 

William angrily formed a fist and then opened it again and again. After all, he calmed down and sat down on one of the hospital chairs. Still ignoring Alex, he fumbled with his key.  
Waiting impatiently for his girlfriend to wake up.

Alex knew it wasn't appropriate to ask him something like that, but she had to. Her baby sister had been injured and not some random person. 

Hours passed without positive news or any news at all. 

Alex gathered all her courage and tried to approach William again.

"William…" she said. "I'm sorry for being so unsensible earlier… I'm just so scared. I'm so scared of losing her. She's my sister."

William's expression changed.  
His eyes filled with tears, and he formed his lips into a thin line.  
After a moment of silence, he just nodded and opened his arms, just wide enough for Alex to lay in his arm. Both of them were crying now.  
Neither of them knowing whether Kara would make it or not. 

Another two hours went by without any news about Kara. 

By the time William had chewed off his fingernails, and Alex lost her mind.

"They hide something," Alex said. There should be news by now. 

"Alex…" William said with a pleasant voice while rubbing her back. Sometimes there is nothing that they could tell us that would make us feel better.

A friendly nurse walked towards Alex and William.

"I'm very sorry.", the nurse said.  
We still don't know what's going on with your sister, and she has to stay in the hospital for her own safety.  
You've been here all day.  
You should go home and get some rest. 

Alex didn't want to leave Kara alone but let William talk her into sleeping for a few hours and taking a shower.  
"We will come back in the morning," he said to her with a tired smile.

After the two of them left the hospital, Alex started crying repeatedly and didn't want William to leave.

"You can't leave me!" she said with a shaking tone in her voice.  
William took a step towards Alex and gave her a big hug.

"I won't leave you.", he flustered into her ear. Everything will be alright. Kara will be okay. 

Alex wanted him to spend the night with her.  
On the one hand, that she keeps an eye on him, but on the other hand, that she doesn't have to be alone with her thoughts. 

Since she would never tell him what she was thinking, she simply asked him not to leave her alone, and he wouldn't. Never. She was sure of that.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waves rush—rays of sunlight fall from the sky.  
Gentle lips moved carefully over Kara's back while someone wrapped one hand tightly around her waist.  
A pleasant voice said her name:

" Kara… wake up, honey." 

She would recognize that voice anywhere.  
This was Lena.

Slowly Kara turned around to look into the emerald green eyes of the beautiful brunette. 

Cautiously, Kara snuggled up to Lena to feel her warmth and escape the rest of the world for a few more minutes.

"I don't want to wake up," she said to Lena.  
I want to stay here. At the beach.  
With you right beside me. 

Lena romantically mumbled: "You have to wake up, honey…" 

But Kara had other plans. 

There would never be a chance that she would open her eyes and wake up. It was just too beautiful at this place. Why would she ever choose to leave? 

Waves rush – rays of sunlight fall from the sky.

The vibrating feeling that runs through your body when someone kisses you.  
The warmth and security that you feel during this time.  
It feels like it will never end…, Kara thought.

Slowly, she turned to look Lena in the eye.  
The brunette beauty beamed at her.

"Good morning, my darling. Did you sleep well?", Lena said with a big grin on her face.

Kara bent down to kiss her long and hard.  
Gently she took off Lena's Hawaii inspired top and covered her body with careful but loving kisses.

Instead of enjoying Kara's presence, Lena again pointed out that she had to wake up. 

Waves rush – rays of sunlight fall from the sky.

Lena turned Kara's face in her direction and gave her a tender kiss.

"Babe, I told you…", she said. You have to wake up.  
The world needs you. 

Kara didn't care. She wanted to stay here with Lena.

She decided to tell Lena everything that she felt this morning. Everything that happened in her dream and that she feels so sorry for hurting her the way she did.

The scene played repeatedly, and Kara told Lena everything.  
I don't want to wake up because nothing would be the way it is right now.  
I would be alone. You would be in star city and never come back.  
I lost my chance, and now I have to move on for my own safety. 

Kara's body was shaking. 

Lena listened to her lover without interrupting.  
Carefully, she took Kara's hand and stroked her fingertips over Kara's knuckles.

You know I'm not real, right?  
I am part of your imagination…, Lena said in a calm tone.

Kara held her breath.

"Wait…" Kara said. You're right. This can't be real.  
You hate me and moved away because I had hurt you so damn much. This is a dream. I have to wake up. 

"I don't hate you…" Lena replied. The thing is, you hurt me so much that I don't know how to be around you anymore. All I feel is pain and this numbness. The only thing I can hear is Lex, who says:" You're a failure."  
And that's not who or what I want to be. 

"Do you know what I don't get?" Kara asked.  
You bought a hospital to save children and help national city.  
Why did you decide to sell everything and move to star city? 

Kara, just think. Are you sure I sold everything?  
Did I ever tell you that, or did someone else tell you that? "Think," Lena said. 

Kara formed her lips into a line, and her eyes were tearing up.

"I'm going to tell you something now…"

Lena leaned forward to reach Kara's ear with her lips.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara's body aches, and she feels like she has been run over by a truck as she slowly opens her eyes.  
The light was very bright, and she could barely hold her eyes open. Everything was blurry.  
There were machines and sounds she's not used to. 

Am I in the hospital? Kara thought.  
That would at least explain the many noises.

Slowly Kara realized that someone was sitting on the right side of her bed, but she couldn't recognize who it was. A doctor? A nurse? 

Her heart pounded, and her breath was heavy. 

She couldn't move.

Please, she thought. Make it stop.  
Can someone please wake me up? I don't want to die. 

She felt alone and scared.  
Who was that person sitting by her side? 

Slowly her vision became more transparent, and she recognizes some outlines of the silhouette next to her bed.  
Brown hair fell over the person's shoulder, who was wearing a perfectly designed suit. 

"No…" Kara mumbled. "This can't be real!" 

The person came closer and now looked her in the eye. "Hey, Kara…missed me?"


	2. 'How did she get so lucky?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a look into Lena's life and how she's doing after she left National City.  
> With a new love interest there are new responsibilities, but Lena does it all. As always.  
> Could an accident ruin everything for her?

“I told you our new product would be a huge success!” Lena shouted through the hallway. “I knew that we just had to trust the process.”

The brunette beauty walked down the stairs into her living room.

The apartment was designed in a modern style that included light colors like white and crème beige.

The view from the staircase was a breathtaking look over the skyline of Star City.

In the center of the room stood a large fireplace, surrounded by white armchairs.  
The perfect view completes the beautiful ambience.

On the right side stood a large dining table fit for twelve people, which was accentuated with antique cabinets in the corners.  
A typical Luthor tradition.

The cozy TV corner is situated on the opposite side of the room.  
A large flat-screen TV hangs centrally on the wall, surrounded by beanbags to create a pleasant atmosphere.

\-------

Cautiously, Lena prowled to the couch, directly toward the blonde.  
Her legs dangled from the armrest of the couch as she softly hummed a melody unrecognizable to Lena.

Lena thought she looked angelic.  
What did I do to deserve such a kind person in my life?  
She is honest, shares her feelings and her family with me.  
I must be dreaming.

From behind her, Lena puts her hands in front of her lover’s eyes and screeched: “Boo! Gotcha!”  
The blonde spun around and twirled her through the air, tossing her carefully onto the white leather couch.

“I love you Lena Luthor” she soothingly said.

Gently, Lena brushed a strand of hair from the blonde's face and went over the contours of her jaw.  
She let her fingertip wander down to her chin.  
They were so close, Lena could feel her heart pound with excitement.

How did she get so lucky?  
She looked deep into her sparkling blue eyes.

“I love you too Felicity Smoak!”

The two of them met shortly after Felicity´s husband had passed away.  
Felicity paid Kara a visit in National City to get a little distraction from the funeral and the realization of becoming a widow.

Fortunately, Kara still had a deadline, so Felicity had to pick her up from work, and that's how the two women met for the first time.  
Lena had some business things to discuss with Andrea and was on her way to her old office when she was bumped into in the elevator by a slightly clumsy, but cute blonde with glasses.

Lena's heart stopped for a second, thinking that it was Kara. The resemblance between the two women was incredible.  
As it turned out, the person in question was Felicity Smoak. 

Lena had often heard of the IT genius, but never had the chance to meet her in person.

So that's what Kara meant when she said that Oliver Queen's wife looks like her.

And that's how it all began.

The two hit it off right away and agreed to meet for coffee.  
Coffee turned into dinner, dinner turned into a date, and the date turned into a sleepover.

They went on several dates to make sure they wanted to be in a relationship.  
After two months of being together, Lena decided to move to Star city to be with her sweetheart, as they both felt that a long-distance relationship would be bad in the long run.

However, Felicity's house became too small for the couple, as it was not only Felicity who was given a place in Lena's life, but also Felicity's daughter Mia and her adopted son William.  
It was the first time in her life that Lena reconsidered the decision not to have children.  
Felicity's daughter Mia has earned a very special place in Lena's heart.

Mia, who is now almost 2 years old, looks like her mom but is very much like her dad.  
She has those beautiful eyes and curly hair like her mother, but the personality is all Oliver.  
Mia and Oliver share the same temper.  
Some may say that she’s also as stubborn as he used to be. 

Lena likes that she feels connected to her in a special way. Both of them lost a parent at an early age, so Lena can put herself in Mia’s shoes.

Gently Lena wiped one of Felicity´s golden hair strings out of her beautiful face.

“Goofball?...” Lena mumbles softly.

“Hmm..?”  
Felicity got a concerned look on her face, as her lover had been staring at her with her gorgeous emerald green eyes for several minutes.

Lena really developed since she´s with Felicity.  
She pays her therapist several visits and is working on her trust issues with her lover’s help.  
Lena felt like she could be herself with Felicity.  
She made her happy and Lena could even imagine herself having children with her one day.  
Mia is such a lovely little girl, that is growing every day. She’s already like a daughter to her.

There were multiple occasions, in which Lena tried to take the next step, but this time its should become reality.  
She is feeling confident on what she’s about to do.  
With an upset feeling in her stomach, but quite confident she raised her head to look at her girlfriend. 

“Seriously Babe,” Felicity said, “Please tell me what´s going on. You make me nervous.”  
The blonde beauty sat herself up and offered Lena her hands to sit up.  
“Get up”, she said, by clapping her hands.

After a short second, Lena took Felicity´s hand and got herself up as well.  
The two of them were sitting in front of each other on their white leather couch.

“Okay….,” Lena said after a while, “I know we’re only together for a short amount of time, and it's very early to ask you such an important question.  
Lena shifted nervously in her seat.

Don’t get me wrong. It´s not that I hadn’t planned anything, but that’s something very spontaneous.  
Lena swallowed. 

“Felicity…” She took a deep breath.  
“The last few months with you have been amazing for me. You make me a better person. The person I always wanted to be. I love William and Mia so much, that it hurts when they are not with me. I don't want to spend another moment without you guys.”

Felicity listened intently.

Lena checked on Felicity’s facial expression to find the strength and optimism to continue. 

“You know, my whole childhood I have longed for a family in which I feel safe and find a place of refuge. Someone who understands me and with whom I can share my feelings. You are that person Felicity.”

Felicity's eyes grew bigger and bigger with every word that crossed Lena's lips.  
Her breathing became heavy.

"Stop!” she said loudly. “I can't. Please don't speak any further. I don't want you to say something you'll regret later."  
Big tears rolled down Felicity's cheeks. Her googly eyes gleamed from the sun's incoming rays.  
Jerkily, she disengaged her hands from Lena's and stood up from the couch.

"What's wrong?” Lena asked, “Have I done something wrong? Please don't go! Whatever it is we can talk about it!"  
Lena's voice began to tremble while her words thoughtlessly spilled out. "I love you”, she said.

With the doorknob in her hand, Felicity shared a pained look with her girlfriend one last time before she left.

This was the wrong decision.  
She always made the wrong decisions in life.  
Her surename is Luthor after all.  
Why would anyone ever love her the way she loved them?

The babble that rumbled through the microphone which has to be a tiny girl with blonde curles, jolted Lena out of her thoughts.  
A soft smile aquired over her face.  
Completely exhausted, she dragged herself up the stairs to check on baby Mia.

As Lena stood by the door frame, the little girl stood upright in her crib and sucked on one of the bars that were supposed to keep her from climbing out of bed.  
She’s so tiny.

When Lena first met her, she was crying all the time.  
Even though she was so little, Lena could tell Mia was missing something. Or rather, someone. Her father.

When she spotted Lena in the doorway, her mouth formed into a wide grin where tiny white teeth appeared.

“How sweet and pure she is,” Lena mumbled to herself, “I have to protect her at all costs.”Slowly, Lena approached the baby's crib.  
"Good morning sunshine," Lena hummed as she caught the baby arms already coming towards her and lifted Mia out of the crib in a flying motion.

"Did you sleep well?”

Mia answered her with a joyful "Yes!" and asked as best she could if Lena had slept well too. "Sweep weww?"  
Drool ran down the corner of Mia’s mouth. 

Lena noticed her cheeks flush and replied with a joyful, "Of course!" She was never asked if she slept well before..

As she made her way to the bathroom with Mia in her arms, she heard a ring at the front door.  
On her way down, she put Mia in her playpen. 

"Who's there?" Lena called as she pressed against the closed door to catch a glimpse of the troublemaker through the peephole.  
"It's me..." replied a young female voice.

Of course... Due to Felicity's quick departure, she had totally forgotten that Nyssa was visiting today to spend the day with Mia.  
Since Oliver and Nyssa once had a forced marriage of sorts, he knew how important family was to her.  
Especially, to have one by her own.  
Felicity and Oliver decided to have Nyssaregistered as Mia’s godmother, to show her how important she is for their family and how much she means to them.

After Nyssa and Oliver's marriage was annulled and her relationship with Sara seemed to be over for good, she destroyed the last Lazarus pits with Oliver’s sister Thea and her fiancé Roy.

After she achieved her goal, her life lost its purpose.  
Through Mia she found a new kind of family which gave meaning to her life once again.

“Would you like some coffee?", Lena called from the kitchen with a somewhat overwhelmed tone.  
“With pleasure...”, Nyssa answered with a laughing undertone.

Lena sat down next to Nyssa on the sofa, where Felicity sat 20 minutes ago, and a beautiful morning turned into a pure nightmare.  
She tried to block out the thought of a possible breakup with Felicity by listening intently to Nyssa planning her future.  
Lena thought that it’s crazy, how fast everything can change. 

Nyssa told her how she and Sara met and how their relationship turned out to be a heartbreaking tragedy.  
At some point they even tried to get back together, but both of them were busy in their new lives. As Nyssa describes it, it was just the wrong time to get back into a relationship.

Would the same thing happen to Felicity and her? It did not look good.

Nyssa's slight clearing of her throat and a, "Are you still there?"snapped Lena out of her thoughts and brought her back to reality.  
"Okay Lena... I've been telling you about my plans toemigrate to Mexico for probably 10 minutes now and you didn’t even listen,” Nyssa grumbled, “What's going on?"  
It was like a switch was flipped in Lena's soul. Thick tears rolled down her cheeks and her body trembled.

“Nyssa…”Lena stammered, “I don't know what I did wrong.  
A minute ago everything was fine, and Felicity and I were fooling around on the couch, but when I started talking about how happy I am with her and how much she brings out the good in me, her expression froze. She disappeared through the front door. She didn't even tell me where she was going. I’m so worried.”

A concern-filled sigh escaped Lena as Nyssa wrapped her in her arms and protected her body.  
"Do you want to tell me what you told Felicity exactly?" said Nyssa with her gentle manner while running her index finger through Lena's hair.

Lena's breathing slowed down.  
"It was beautiful. Felicity and I fooled around on the couch. I had the feeling of being very close to her and that only she existed.  
I don't know why, but I just wanted to tell her how I feel about her and how important she is to me."

Nyssa's voice took on a calm tone, "That sounds very beautiful and loving of you. How did she react to that?"  
Nyssa took another of Lena's strands of hair between her fingers and played around with it.

"Her expression froze from one moment to the next, and I felt like I had done something wrong.  
We told each other we loved each other, so I thought it would be okay to share my feelings with her, but maybe I went too fast. Felicity told me not to say anything else because I would only hurt myself if I said it.”

Lena's face took on a worried expression.

“She didn't know what I was going to say, did she?"  
"The question is, what did you want to tell her?" replied Nyssa.  
Nyssa looked Lena directly in her emerald green eyes.

The tension between them was broken by children's music so loud, it filled the room.

Nyssa and Lena winced when they saw Baby Mia sitting in her playpen. The little girl had one of her toys in her hand, which occasionally played nursery rhymes far too loudly.  
Mia was now looking at the two of them with wide eyes. She seemed to notice that something was wrong and pointed in Lena's direction with her arms outstretched.

Such a small girl should not yet realize when there are problems. Guilt plagued her which made it harder to suppress her tears.  
With a fake smile, she looked Mia straight in the eyes to assure her that everything was fine. That she didn't have to worry about anything.

She slowly moved toward the playpen to take Mia in her arms.  
"Should I order something from Big Belly Burger?" asked Nyssa.  
Mia immediately started laughing, as if she knew Big Belly Burger meant incredibly delicious fast food.

"Faiiiiisss," Mia screamed across the room with excitement. Her body was bobbing up and down on Lena’s arm.  
You could almost tell she was about to fall, but Lena had everything under control.

At a leisurely pace, Lena moved toward the baby chair. "In you go sweetie," she said to the toddler with a heartwarming smile. 

Lena was a born mother. Nyssa also seemed to notice this.  
"You're really good at being a mother," she noted.

Lena turned, startled, to the brunette standing in the doorway.  
"Are you kidding me? Me and kids? I'm fine with what I have right now. I don't need biological children. My genes aren't cut out for that."  
Lena knew that what she was saying wasn't necessarily the whole truth and not even what Nyssa said at all, yet it was the only thing that was really relevant right now.  
Did Nyssa even know what she was saying? She should know very well that biologically two women cannot conceive a child.

Felicity's children are from her marriage to Oliver. As if she would let herself be impregnated by anyone, let alone consider artificial insemination.  
“Ridiculous”, she mumbled.

With a suppressed grin, Nyssa sat down on one of the leather chairs to hand Mia a fry.  
"Faaaiiiiis!", Mia screamed again with joy across the room.  
With her small feet, she stomped like a soldier on the footboard of her highchair. Holding a squishy fry in her fist, Mia got lost in her thoughts, "Mommy?"  
Lena almost choked on her burger. When she looked in Mia's direction, big green googly eyes filled with sadness and pain glared at her.

A soft stutter sounded, "Mommy home?" Mia's eyes filled with tears, which made Lena swallow because the sight of the little girl had such a heartbreaking effect on her.

“She's just like me,” Lena whispered to herself.

\--------

After dinner, Nyssa took the little girl to her home.  
She said it was important for Lena to get some rest, to settle her argument with Felicity without lashing out or taking any dumb steps.

The warmth from the fireplace was pleasant.  
Lena sat on one of the seat cushions and sipped a glass of whiskey, lost in thought.

Where the hell is she, Lena thought. She hasn't come home all day and she's ignoring my calls. It was stupid to be open about my feelings.  
I should have just kept my mouth shut, just like I did back in National City, and none of this would have ever happened.

As if Lena could have guessed, the lock on the front door clicked. Frantically, Lena turned around and jumped up.  
"Baby, I'm so sorry," Felicity stammered. Tears ran down her eyes as she fell into Lena's arms, burying her head in her fluffy sweater.  
Felicity was shaking all over. It almost seemed like she had been outside all day.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her, but suddenly it was all like forgotten. The main thing was that she was with her, in her arms.  
Felicity's crying stopped. She slowly turned her head up a little, to look Lena in the face. 

Without talking, Lena gently took off Felicity's jacket and hung it up on one of the clothes racks. It took a few simple looks to convince Felicity, that everything was going to be okay. Hand in hand, the two walked into the bedroom. 

Lena sought out one of Felicity's cozy pajamas from their designer closet.  
They bought it a while ago, because the white marble doors and the golden edging reminded Lena of the closet that she owned in the Luthor mansion.  
She always had been fascinated by the details that all of these designers put into their work.

Felicity was sitting on the edge of the bed with her shoulders drooping, watching her girlfriend choose her clothes.

When Lena was finished, she slowly walked up to Felicity. You could tell that Felicity waited for instructions from her loved one.  
Lena grinned with amusement.  
She indicated by raising her arms that Felicity should take off her sweater.  
After a moment's hesitation, Felicity removed her sweater and threw it on the floor. A glint in her eyes signaled Lena to help her with her bra.  
Carefully, Lena undid the clasp of Felicity's bra and reached for the pajamas she had picked out earlier.

As she was was about to help Felicity into her pajama top, she was stopped with a light hand movement.  
Felicity grabbed the pajama top carefully and threw it on the floor as she already did with the sweater.  
Felicity’s hands wandered all the way down till they reached Lena’s waistband. Carefully she grabbed two of Lena’s belt loops and pulled her on top of her.

They were so close that she could feel her breath. Their fight and all the angst had been washed away. It was just them. Nothing else mattered.  
A loud vibration on the nightstand sadly interrupted their carefree moment, which made Lena track down the sound immediately. As her eyes fell on the nightstand, she noticed she was receiving a call.

Who would be calling her at this hour? A quick glance at the clock told her that it was already 11 pm.  
After a short hesitation, Lena crawled to the head of the bed to see who was disturbing her at this hour.  
Alex...

"I... I have to get this...", she stammered.  
Lena rushed into the bathroom, holding her phone close to her chest.

"Alex?", she said with surprise in her voice, “What is it? Are you okay?" From the other side of the line, Lena could catch a slight sob.  
She felt the immediate fear boiling up inside her.  
A little louder she repeated, "Alex, what happened?!" with a tremor in her voice. For Lena it felt like hours until Alex finally gave her an answer.  
Alex's voice broke, "It's Kara..." Lena felt the floor give way beneath her why her phone slipped away.

\-----

A soft knock on the door snapped Lena back to reality.

Felicity's soft voice rang out. "Babe are you okay?" , she asked.

Because Lena stayed quiet, she entered the bathroom.

Lena was sitting on the floor.  
Emotionless she stared at the ceiling.  
She barely even noticed that Felicity entered the bathroom. Her mind was set on autopilot.

Lena took a deep breath.

“I have to go back to National City,” her voice cracked, “they need my help.”

She hasn’t heard from Alex in months. It must be important. Lena’s life was nearly perfect, but once again Kara got under her skin.  
She felt this numbness like the world would keep spinning, without her even recognizing it. Screw you Kara Danvers. Screw you for fucking up my life once again.

Felicity stayed quiet. She approached Lena hesitantly. “May I sit with you for a while?”.  
Lena nodded.  
The blonde sat down next to her lover. Lena immediately snuggled her head against Felicity’s shoulder, relieved that she’s still with her.  
It took Felicity a while to find the right words. “I know.”  
A sad look appeared on her face, while she hid her eyes in the sleeves of her sweater.

Lena noticed that Felicity cried a little, but she couldn’t move. Her body froze.  
She could tell that it was hard for Felicity to let go. Leaving her alone with a toddler wasn’t her first choice, but it was a life or death situation. Alex was still a person that she cared about. It wouldn’t be for long. Maybe a week.

“If I’m being honest. I don’t want you to leave, but I know that Kara and you share a connection like no other pair of friends.”Felicity inhaled deeply. “As your girlfriend I would tell you to stay, but as the person I used to be…”  
Felicity hesitated. She fumbled with a hairband.  
“As the person I used to be, I’d tell you to help your old friend and save the world.”.

For Felicity it became harder to let people leave. After her late husband’s death, she changed. She always was the person to encourage others. Helped them to reach their goals. Now she’s always scared of losing her loved ones. 

Lena moved her head, to look into her eyes. Her breathing became heavy. “Are you sure I should leave? You would be alone with Mia and I couldn’t help you”  
Big tears were rolling down Lena’s cheeks.“I don’t want to lose you!”  
Her heart was aching. Losing Felicity could mean that she would lose a part of herself. Finally drift into the darkness, as she’s supposed to. Felicity is the only light that she has left. Kara used to be her light in the darkness, but that feels like it was a long time ago. She was so happy about her life in Star City.  
She was finally able to let go of Kara. To restart her life. ‘What would happen, when she decides to go back?’

“Honey. You told me, that you are scared of situations or people that you once ran from, but sometimes we have to take risks in life. It’s important to develop. To grow. Meeting an old friend won’t change anything.  
A smirk appeared on Felicity’s face. She assured her that everything was going to be alright.  
“You should take the next flight.”.

Lena hesitated, while she chose her next words wisely. “All right. I’ll take the next flight, but you have to promise me something.”

Felicity rubbed Lena’s back.  
“Anything my love.”

“Please, take some time off and come over to National City as fast as you can. I can’t be that far away from you and baby Mia. Of course only if you want to. I don’t want to sound possessive,” Lena stumbled over her own words. 

“Lena Luthor. Sometimes you can be the cutest human being to ever exist.” Felicity tried to hide her grin by covering her mouth with her sleeve.  
“Of course I come over to National City. Wait. Was that even a question?” Felicity faked being shocked, which led Lena to pull her into a warm embrace.

\------

Through the small plane window she could see Catco. Everything seemed so small and quiet. 

"We are on approach, please fasten your seat belts and take up your starting positions.  
Thank you very much!"

Lena waited anxiously for Kara to fly past her window, but she knew it wouldn't happen. Not this time.  
In any other situation she would’ve been happy about it, but now that Kara was injured, she would be so relieved to see her.  
Even for just a quick second, to make sure that she’s all right. 

It felt like she had never been away.  
Lena could still remember exactly when Kara had saved her from a helicopter crash. With her strong arms she stopped the helicopter from crashing to the ground. It was the first time she noticed how beautiful Supergirl is. How beautiful Kara is.  
She didn't know back then that Kara was Supergirl, but she knew she could trust her.

Games nights at the Danvers place were something extraordinary to her.  
Lena had the feeling of being part of a family. But then she broke her trust. She ruined their relationship. Lena was too hurt to carry on.

She told Kara at the time that she was leaving National City because she had a new business partner, but it turned out that this was not the only reason for her move.  
‘Could she ever trust her again?’

She wanted to visit Kara with Alex in the morning, but an ominous feeling spread in her stomach. Something was wrong. Something with Kara?  
Lena took her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and dialed a number. “I need a taxi as soon as possible. I’m at the National City airport.”

\------

The weather was awful.

She asked herself why the terminals are so far away from each other. That didn’t make any sense.  
Already pissed off, Lena fought her way through the rain.  
Lena waited five minutes for the taxi to arrive. Sadly, her hair was already soaked from the rain when she entered the backseat.

The taxi driver looked at her through the interior mirror and asked where she wanted to go.  
Lena hesitated.  
Taking a hot bath sounded perfect. A glass of wine. New clothes. But there was this feeling. She couldn’t describe it at all. She just knew what she had to do.  
Lena inhaled deeply. “National City hospital”.

Quietly, Lena strode through the corridors of the hospital in search of room 165b.  
Her suit was wet and her shoes sounded like she stepped into mud, every time she took another step.  
Lena felt uncomfortable, but that wasn’t important. Not now.

She was a little anxious, but knew it was the right decision.

Room 165b.

It seemed like hours that she stared at the room door.  
Her legs felt weak, but Lena knew she had to overcome her fear.  
She moved her trembling hand towards the door handle and pushed it down with a loud creak. Carefully, Lena leans against the door to open it.

There she was.  
Kara lay in the large hospital bed, bound by the many tubes.  
Her skin was pale and she looked dead.  
Only through the hissing of the respirator did Lena know that Kara was still alive.

Lena's gaze wandered around the room. There was a chair next to Kara's bed.  
One of the nurses had probably left it there.  
After a moment's thought, she finally sat down on the cheap hospital chair next to Kara's bed.

Lena found Kara's closeness pleasant.  
A feeling she had not experienced this way for a long time.

Kara groaned.

Full of panic, Lena reached for her hand.  
She did not know what to say. There was nothing she could do, that could heal a broken friendship.  
However, Lena felt like Kara would need her. ‘Or did she just need Kara?’.

Lena cleared her throat quietly. She could feel how her heartbeat became faster. Carefully, Lena leaned over to look Kara in the eye. Kara looked like she was just feeling pain. Thinking about how Kara must feel made her body shake. For Lena, it was horrible to see the strongest person on earth injured. 

Another groan made Lena focus on Kara. Her eyes grew wide.  
The blonde opened her eyes. Kara’s breathing was heavy. Sweat ran down her forehead.  
Lena felt like everything they fought about wasn’t necessary. Nothing mattered. Only Kara.

"Hey, Kara…missed me?"


End file.
